It feels like I have been waiting forever to hear a guy say the things that someone has said to me in the past week. But it's not what I expected at all...
It's strange. Uncomfortable. A conversation full of awkward pauses because I don't know what the hell to say and he has a lot that he would say if he wasn't such a nice guy. That weird tension between wanting to know what he's thinking and wanting to avoid this topic for the rest of my life.
I always thought that when a someone finally did confess his love for me, we would get married and live happily ever after. I didn't really expect to have to tell him that the answer is no, and that it will continue to be no for the forseeable future. Saying that is not as romantic as it sounds. It actually really sucks. Even though I know it's the right thing to do.
It's exciting in a way. It's exciting to know that there's someone out there that thinks I'm beautiful and wants to be with me. Knowing that is nice, I suppose, but it kind of makes me squirm. Every time I see him, there's a little bit of discomfort in knowing what he really thinks about me.
I know that before any of this happened, I would have envied any girl who could say what I've just said, and I wouldn't believe that she really didn't enjoy the situation.
But I really don't.
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